Boney M

That strange seventies pop band Boney M have a habit of following me wherever I go and I’m not sure I like it. Its actually quite spooky, its like they are stalking me through music videos. Perhaps they are trying to send me some sort of subliminal message through the medium of cheesy pop. A few years ago when me and Jo and Shelley were in Sri Lanka for our summer holidays I remember being in the middle of nowhere by a mountain and hearing Boney M’s hyperactive cheerfulness and marvelling at their gyrating on video while we waited for yet another Sri Lankan curry. I have also heard them in a hotel room in China and on a plane bound for Qatar. When I walked into the staffroom today I immediately felt a sense of déjà vu when I heard ‘Mary’s boy child’ coming from one of my colleagues laptops....

I had no idea that they were such a global phenomenon. I desperately want to know why. So today I spent some time watching them again. I must admit I gained a whole new appreciation for Boney M. Their campness and sequins do indeed make the world a brighter and better place. Maybe I was too quick to judge them before. There are worse things in the world. I just want to know why they have chosen me. I feel I have little in common with them. I don’t have their fabulous mop of afro hair, I look like a Christmas bauble if I wear sequins and I’m not particularly good at disco dancing...I think I could be pondering this question for quite some time. If anyone has any ideas why Boney M have chosen to follow me around the world please let me know.

Vegetables, pedicures and charity shop karma

Ok so this week was a bad week in the kitchen. The market was bereft of food, so much so that it was a struggle to even get bananas. It was tomatoes, onions and potatoes all week. I ran out of chocolate, I ran out of eggs, I ran out of cup a soups and I started to feel a bit miserable about eating. So when I went to Rwamagana to see Steven and Mary for rest, relaxation and a little bit of workshop planning I couldn’t resist a visit to the market. I can honestly say for the first time in my life I got excited about vegetables. As a person who loves all the bad stuff in life I never thought that would happen. I practically jumped up and down with excitement when I saw an aubergine. I don’t know what has happened to me. Who is this girl? I think I’ve lost about a stone since being here and all my clothes are falling down!  I better fatten up fast or I think I’ll be doing more flashing on the moto as my jeans will not stay up.

Talking of clothes I attempted to try and find a skirt for work at the market too. As a bartered away my volunteer allowance for an ordinary black second/third/fourth hand skirt which looks very similar to one I have in my wardrobe in the UK I thought this is karma. This is what you get for being so wasteful with clothes, here, slowly but surely, you will need to buy back all those clothes you stuffed into the charity shop bin. Its surprising how expensive the second hand clothes are, it made me realise how amazing it is that Rwandan people are so well dressed. The never walk around the college with yellow chalk dust all over their bum.. .I really haven’t got the hang of this whole chalk thing. I’m forever accidentally smearing my clothes with dust. Its because I have never had to teach using chalk. It was all interactive whiteboards and dry wipe pens in the life before.

The last exciting event of the weekend was the pedicure. I thought that Mary and me were very brave. Especially when the girl got out this blade thing. We looked at each other and wondered if we were going to lose our toes. But fear not, the young lady who did our pedicures was a perfectionist and extremely gentle. I also found myself admiring all the hair braiding going on around me. I want to get my hair braided one day. Perhaps before the big Christmas break? We shall see!

Our new exhibit is called ‘umuzungu’

There are large glass windows all on one side of my marvellous TRC, which is great because it makes it nice and light and airy. It is also perfect for a daydreamer and people watcher like me because any time when I am feeling fatigued from making resources or lesson planning I can look out and watch the world go by. The only trouble is it also makes it easier for people to look in. Children from the primary and secondary schools next door and even some of the braver TTC students come and tap on the glass and watch me at work.

I’m thinking of writing a description for myself ‘Our new exhibit is called ‘umuzungu’. Umuzungus are creatures with white skin. They usually come from the Western hemisphere by origin and tend to live in cold climates. This particular specimen comes from England, a cold and rainy country in Europe. It is an example of an adult female and although 27 years old, has yet to marry or bear any young. It is a shy and usually harmless creature although it is wise not to disturb it too early in the mornings as dangerous and erratic behaviour has been observed before 8am. If you want to feed the umuzungu, it likes chocolate and crisps, cake, bread and cheese, but not all at the same time. Thank you for visiting.

All in a days work. I do keep getting visitors, in particular other tutors at the TTC, coming to look at what I’ve done which has given me a much needed mental boost as I’m feeling a little low this week. I think I’ve started to hit the two month dip on the graph that vso showed us before we departed. We were warned. But the graph does go up again, well as long as I’m not a statistical anomaly that is...I’m sure I’m totally normal. A completely usual and sane human being....perhaps with a few extra yellow pencils in the pack? Or a few unpicked threads in the shirt......

The day of reckoning

Today heralded my first official visit by vso personnel to check on my progress in my placement so far. As you can imagine, as soon as I knew they were coming I was madly trying to tidy up the bits of cardboard everywhere to present my resource centre in the best possible light. And thats when I found it. The dead bird. Now I know I should be upset that a living creature met its end in my resource centre, but the damn thing shat all over my ‘what makes a good teacher’ display so I wasn’t. The only trouble was trying to remove it. I hate dead things, they are just so disgusting. And I didn’t have any resources such as a broom or shovel which I could use to get rid of it. Fortunately someone came in and did the deed for me when I said ‘le ouiseaux, il est mortir’ and pointed to the corpse.

Well the official reckoning was that I’m doing fine. In fact vso personnel were so pleased that they took photographs! Praise indeed. Steven and Mary also hitched a ride down to the college and it was lovely for them to see where I work. Today was also a day of celebration at the college because all of the previous year’s students passed their exams. I was treated to some truly fabulous singing where the sound gave me goose pimples, I am so jealous of the singing ability of the students here, if only I had a voice like theirs. I’d be right down to the x factor auditions...so in actual fact its probably a good thing for the world at large that I don’t.

After the ceremony with the students I went back to the staffroom and drank too much fanta. Ever since coming to Rwanda I have become a fantaholic. I don’t even really like the stuff that much, but it everywhere here and gives me my fix of sugar. Drinking too much of it makes me hyperactive and ditzy (well ditzier than normal) and I’m sure it does bad things to my blood sugar levels but I can’t see myself kicking the addition. Apparently girls are either classed as ‘fanta citron’ or ‘fanta orange’...I’m definitely a fanta citron lover....my affection for the green bottle tops replaces my love of the green mugs in the Hannah More staffroom...oh how I miss the green mugs! No one else liked them for some reason so they were always available to be filled with a nice hot cup of tea...made with real milk from real cows...oh deary me I feel another larium dream coming on about cows and milk and dairy produce. Its because now I’ve found eggs I’ve stopped dreaming about chickens, so I think cows will be next.

Here is the TRC so far. When I first moved in it was completely empty so I've made a start.

How people learn rice sack

How children learn display with students work

Brainstorm of Rwanda

An excellent teacher...

A nice little learning names rhyme

All the small things

As I head towards my two month anniversary of being in Rwanda next week, I think its timely to do a little progress check and reflect on my small achievements.

1) Getting on a moto

Now I’m still a long way off being able to do this in an elegant or ladylike fashion, if indeed I will ever achieve this, but I can now do it without splitting my trousers. Now everyone who travels along the roads to the East of Rwanda will be spared seeing my pink la senza knickers flapping in the wind. Thank goodness for that.

2) Being creative in the kitchen

 Again, its not something I’ve completely mastered but progress has been made. I can now make risotto using Rwandan rice, creamy potato and tomato curry, corned beef hash, chips and a rather nice pasta salad. So I’m getting better at making stuff with tomatoes, potatoes, onions and bananas. Delia should watch out. I still have at least one culinary disaster a week, but that means I make around four edible plates of food so the balance is tipping in my favour.

3) The rice sack queen

I’ve made some really pretty rice sack visual aids. I’ve copied out a poem in French, made a map of Rwanda (going to do one of the whole of Africa next), made a quiz on learning styles just to mention a few things. I love spending so much time drawing J.

4) Languages

Again, definitely a work in progress but the French is starting to improve a bit. I said something in French to a guy when I checked into a hostel and he sort of understood me and I’ve sent my first ever text message in French. Kinyarwanda is proving to be a challenge, but at least I’ve remembered most of what I learned in the first place. I’ve not given up yet, I will improve!

5) Packing

I’ve become very good at packing as little as possible for a weekend away in order to fit loads of food and rice sacks in my bag for going back home. Its a fine art, it really is, you have to think of dual function. A sarong doubles as a towel and a skirt or scarf, a pair of flip flops stops you getting electrocuted in the shower at the places us vsos stay at and can also be worn out and about, shampoo can also be used as soap, a hoodie can be used for keeping warm but also as a pillow if the one you are given looks worse for wear...

6) Squatting

Ok so none of you really want to know this but I’ve developed muscles which facilitate the process so to speak. Its still a challenge but not as much as it was.

7) The bucket shower

Definitely mastered this one. You fill up half of a small bucket with water from a jerry can. You boil 1 kettle full of water and tip it in. You carry the thing with a cup in it to the outside room. You go back and grab a bag containing shampoo, conditioner etc and put it in the room. You lock the door to the house because you can’t see it from the wash room and  voila. You have to remember to unlock the front door and take everything back to the house after the ‘shower’.

Well thats it for now. Quite a long list!

OMG I lost my sense of humour (temporarily you’ll be relieved to know!)

It was probably a bad idea from the start but I have always wanted to teach a lesson ‘under the big tree’. ‘Under the big tree’ is where important meetings are held and holds a mythological quality for me. It just sounds so idyllic and reminds me of the Enid Blyton book ‘The Enchanted tree’. So after the thunderstorm I took my huge class of 57 senior 4 students ‘under the big tree’ to play name games. Well that was a bad idea. For starters I just cannot seem to pronounce names correctly over here so every time I tried the whole 57 of them burst into giggles. Secondly, trying to learn 57 names in one go was just a ridiculous idea. And I used to think my class of 28 kids in the UK was a lot. Well 57 is too many, learning all their names is akin to climbing mount Everest, especially when I only see them for an hour a week.

Lastly they kept calling me umuzungu after I had told them not to and that was it. It was like showing a red rag to a bull. I felt myself shaking with rage....my voice got tight and I’m sure I turned purple. I somehow managed not to lose it entirely but I was definitely cracking. I am normally such a calm person, I don’t know what came over me. I hardly ever get really really mad. I gave them a lecture on being respectful to teachers and all the time there was this angry little voice in my head whispering ‘what makes you think you can do this, you crazy misguided fool...why did you chose to turn your life upside down?!’  

But fortunately karma is alive and well in Rwanda at the moment, for every bad moment there are two good ones. Firstly Senior 5 made my day because they remembered all of what I had taught them on learning styles in the previous lesson and they worked really hard. And secondly my neighbours greeted me with a friendly smile and a handshake when I got home and invited me to sit with them outside for a little while. So at least I ended the day by returning to my normal white colour and a smile on my face. Alls well that ends well, Rome wasn’t built in a day... Watch out Senior 4, a lesson on classroom rules will be next ;-) This umuzungu is persistent if nothing else.

The bottle top thief

Ok I it seems my new job involves me scrabbling around in the dirt picking up discarded bottle tops. When it rained earlier today and everyone else was inside I did the deed. I always feel a bit shameful doing it when people can see. It just doesn’t seem very socially acceptable to get down on your hands and knees outside someone’s house to gauge dirty trodden on bottle tops out of the earth with your hands. Especially as everyone looks at me enough as it is! Why would anyone want to do such a weird thing? You may ask and I think if they were able to ask me in a way that I understood I think most people here would ask too.

Well there is so much you can do with bottle tops, you just wouldn’t believe it. I think I really do love them. They can become counters in a game of checkers or snakes and ladders. When you bash a hole through them with a nail and string them onto twine they can become a counting bead string. You can use them simply as counters or you can even make shapes or the flag of Rwanda out of them. The white ones from the ‘Mutzig’ beer bottles can have letters or numbers drawn onto them and so can be used for spelling and ordering numbers. I'm sure they also have a hundred million other uses I haven't quite dicovered yet. Bottle tops are brilliant! Long may people continue to throw them onto the ground.